This. I would lay my life for this. This boy was conceived under the most horrid of circumstances. His creation was not my choice. It was an act of violence.
I didn’t know he was a part of me until I had done massive work to excavate his other (now) parent from my life. Then he was revealed to me. I was in my 2nd trimester. I was horrified.
Suddenly the choices had all been removed, I was the vessel for life, and my world had completely shifted. And there he was. And there I had to again be connected to the man I had forcibly removed from my life and my battle has a new directive in making him safe for my child.
Then my body broke. I’d just figured out how to do this new job and be a happy(ish) person doing it. I was chained to a hospital bed for weeks. My soul job became to eat, be still, and not go insane. My job was to keep him inside me long enough to hopefully have a good quality of life. I did everything they said would work. And it did.
Here he is and he is epic. He projects light and joy. I went temporarily insane with the sheer demand of a baby and my big boy. But it was my body telling me it’s time for change.
For my children, I have done and continue to do the hard work to ensure I’m the mother that will teach them to have the best lives they can. Why are children brought through us anyway? What is our legacy if not to make amazing people?
We are their best teachers and if we are broken, we are obligated to find how to fix ourselves so we can lead them, teach them, and be there for them until they can be there for us.
He is my surprise joy. My magnanimous teacher. My children are a gift to the world because I will help them be so.
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