Reasons I love exams-
1. They let me cry. Wholly, vulnerably. A series of things having been added up to each other, it finally comes out in exams. The reason is not exam-stress, it paves a way for a healthy breakdown. That’s what I like to call it.
2. They make me value (and miss) home so much (more) Ma would never allow me to go for an exam without breakfast. It isn’t even an option, back at home. I once turned her down when she offered me dry fruits, because I had ‘no time’. Found them in the pockets of my school blazer, every subsequent exam.
3. They lead me to create so much; the after-effect of procrastination is that the thoughts finally get channelised somewhere. Sure, that ‘somewhere’ leads me to question myself. That’s not exactly what I want during exams, but it feels good to challenge myself.
4. Post-exam planning. The joy of making plans for the end of each exam is something that takes me further away from studies and gives me an incentive to open the books at the same time. Whether it is the usual Tapri pe chai with people I love, or the unusual friends’ trip that finally comes to life, it gets me smiling, every time I think about it. The thrill in clearing my phone space by deleting all the notes, syllabi, and screenshots gets me a big ‘cool’ smirk, like I’ve won wars.
5. I grow stronger, with every exam. I hate myself for having put myself in this situation, where I have to gallop through six pdfs of Five Seventy Three Pages, in less than six hours. But, I do it, without guilt, without regrets, because when I look myself in the mirror, the love in those eyes overpowers everything. I’d do every possible thing to get rid of the helplessness they carry as weights. I know I’ve got it covered, so no matter what happens, I’m going to walk out of the hall with a smile that screams ONE MORE DOWN exactly the way I put back my cup of chai on the table, after it frees me of everything bleak in life.
So, well? I did win wars.
- Drishti Nagdeo.